xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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