I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
