She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
In America we eat man semen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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