i permit you to call me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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