Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
