I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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