Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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