AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
