the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
