Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sober January is a disaster.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
