between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
