Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
