I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
sex in a hospital.. check
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
