Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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