your thong is hanging out like whoa
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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