at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
