He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
