His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had to coat check the pizza.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
