this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
