I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
