please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
