Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
