Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
