She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
