Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
