Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
