i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
