we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
