is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
not ubering you a puppy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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