you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
