im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
third nipple confirmed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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