Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she peed on how many people?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
