actually, I'm a sock model
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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