Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am one with the molecules
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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