I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
