from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize