I CAN MOONWALK!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
