your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can text with my tongue
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
