i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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