Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
