What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think my moral compass just broke
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