It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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