He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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