dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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