My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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