Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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