there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
