Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
