ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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