Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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