I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
