I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
