you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
