what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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