i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
