we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
