to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
