I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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