Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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