My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How's work?
Spinning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
