if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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