he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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