How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
