i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
