Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
