you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
