well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
