She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
smell my finger.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
