Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
