I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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