What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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