I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
