He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
