how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
