i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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