Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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