I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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